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The Haircut Song

In the style of

Ray Stevens

Lyrics

well when you get
a haircut
you better
go back home

when you get
a haircut
get a barber
you have known

since you were
a little bitty boy
sittin' in
a booster chair

'cause you might
look like
larry moe or curly
if a stranger
cuts your hair
oh lord

well butte montana
just a-passin' through
one thing
i just had to do
had to get a haircut
and i's worried
for my hair

i had a feeling of
impending doom
the minute i stepped
into that room
laid my eyes upon
that barber chair
oh yeah

it was a
macho barber shop
hair dryers mounted
on a rifle rack
wasn't no mirrors
barber chair
was a peterbilt

the barber walked in
he was huge
seven feet tall
three hundred pounds
of spring steel
and rawhide

wearin' a hard hat
chewin' a cigar
and had a t-shirt on
said i hate musicians
threw me in the chair
sneered and said
what'll it be pal

now a lot of people
would be intimidated
in a situation like this
i was not

i am what i am
play my piano
sing my little songs
i looked him
right in the eye
i said

i'm a logger
just up from
coos bay oregon
been toppin' trees

quite possibly
the toughest man
in the entire world
he said alright
and he gave me
a haircut and
i walked outta there
my hair was gone

made kojak
look like
bill golden
yeah had a
tremendous craving
to operate
heavy equipment

now you may
think that
that butte montana
haircut's the worst
any man could
ever get
wrong

well a few
months later
i was in l.a.
truckin' along
on a smoggy day

needed a haircut
so bad
i looked like
bozo the clown

i's lookin' shaggy
and not too good
i'd put it off
as long as i could
lord i hate to get
a haircut
out of town

well i walked in
realized immediately
that this guy
was into punk rock

the walls were done
in black leather
had chains and whips
and handcuffs
hangin' on 'em

barber walked in
he had orange hair
black mascara
stainless steel teeth
black leather jacket
with zinc studs

he threw me
in the chair
hit me
a couple of times
wap wap
chained me down
threw a nazi flag
over me

said i'm gon' tell you
somethin' might
make you
a little nervous

i laughed
ha ha ha ha
i said
what could possibly
make me nervous
he said
i'm gay

no problem
i'm not threatened
in any way
i mean
i'm secure
in my manhood

everything's cool
i am what i am
play my little piano
sing my little song
i looked him
right in the eye
and said

i'm a logger
played football
in high school
i was in
the marine corps
he said alright
and he gave me
a haircut

i walked out of there
friends
my hair was purple
well least that
mohawk section
down the middle
was purple

had a white streak
down one side
other side
looked like mr. t

had a couple of
safety pins
in my cheeks
felt a teeny bit
conspicuous
luckily my next job
was in san francisco

shoot
i got up there
i didn't even
stand out at all
wasn't even close
those people
thought i was an
insurance salesman

well a few
months later
i was way down south
grits and gravy
and-a hush yo mouth

my hair so long
i was startin'
to look like
a man in drag

it was then
that the sheriff
came up and said
boy you got too much
hair on your head
you better
get yourself
a haircut or a dog tag

well when i
stepped into the shop
i realized immediately
that i was dealing with
a born-again barber

don't see too many
barber shops
with a steeple
had an organ
in the corner
choir
an usher led me
to the barber chair

barber walked in
started saying grace
oh lord
for these haircuts
we are about
to receive
may we be
truly thankful

dominus possum pox
profestus
postmortum
et tu brute
pruella carborundum

he was sorta
half-baptist
half-catholic
kind of a cap-tist

he started
cuttin' my hair
and preachin'
at the same time
i mean he's a wild man
scissors and razors
are flyin'
around my head

he's talkin' 'bout
liquor and
wild women and
music and sex and
the evils of dancin'
and the music business
in general

then he looked down
at me and he said
what do you do
for a livin'

now i'm not ashamed
of what i do for a livin'
workin' bars
and casinos
'round liquor
and wild women

i just play my piano
sing my little songs
i looked him
right in the eye
and said
i run this church
for loggers

when you get
a haircut
be sure to
go back home

when you get
a haircut
get a barber
you have known

since you were
a little bitty boy
sittin' in
a booster chair

or you might
look like
larry moe or curly
if a stranger
cuts your hair
oh yeah

Details

• Duration : 6:15
• Key : G
• Genre : Specialty
• Year released : 1985
• Language : English

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