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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying

In the style of

Bloodhound Gang

Lyrics

i was lonelier than
kunta kinte at a
merle haggard
concert
that night i

strolled on into
uncle limpy's
hump palace
lookin' for love
it had been a while

in fact
three hundred
and sixty-five had
come and went since
that midnight run
haulin' hog
to shakey town
on i-one-oh

i had picked up
this hitchhiker that
was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of
daisy duke cutoffs
and one of those
fruit of the loom
tank tops

well that night
i lost myself
to ruby red lips
milky white skin
and baby blue eyes
name was russell

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

well i
find it's quite a thrill
when she grinds me
against her will
yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

well faster
than you can say
shallow grave
this pretty
little thing
come up to me

and starts kneadin'
my b#### like
hard-boiled eggs
in a tube sock
said her name
was bambi

and i said
well that's
a coincidence darlin'
'cause i was just
thinkin' about
skinnin' you
like a deer

well she smiled
had about
as much teeth
as a jack-o'-lantern

and i went on
to tell her
how i would
wear her face
like a mask
as i do my little
kooky dance

and then she told me
to shush
i guess
she could sense my
desperation

'course it's hard
to hide a h###-##
when you're dressed
like minnie pearl

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

well i
find it's quite a thrill
when she grinds me
against her will
yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

so bambi's goin' on
about how
she can make
all my fantasies
come true

so i says
even this one i have
where jesus christ
is jackhammerin'
mickey mouse
in the doo-doo hole

with a lawn dart
as garth brooks
gives birth to
somethin' resemblin'
a cheddar cheese log
with almonds
on santa claus's
tummy-tum

well ten beers
twenty minutes and
thirty dollars later
i'm parkin' the beef bus
in tuna town
if you know
what i mean

got to n### her
back at her trailer
hee
that rhymes

i have to admit
it was even more
of a turn-on
when i found out
she was doin' me
to buy baby formula

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

well i
find it's quite a thrill
when she grinds me
against her will
yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

day or so had passed
when i
popped the clutch
gave the tranny a spin

and slid on into
the stinky pinky
gulp 'n' guzzle
big rig snooze-a-stop

there i was
browsin' through
the latest issue
of throb

when i saw bambi
starin' at me
from the back of
a milk carton
well my heart
just dropped

so i decided to do
what any good
christian would

you cannot imagine
how difficult it is to
hold a half gallon of
moo juice and p#####
the o##-e### g#####
when you're doin'
seventy-five in an
eighteen-wheeler

i never thought
missin' children
could be so sexy
did i say that out loud

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

well i
find it's quite a thrill
when she grinds me
against her will
yes a lap dance
is so much better
when the stripper
is cryin'

Details

• Duration : 5:40
• Key : D
• Genre : Rock
• Year released : 2000
• Language : English

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