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Alice's Restaurant

In the style of

Arlo Guthrie

Lyrics

this song is called
alice's restaurant and it's
'bout alice

and the restaurant
but alice's restaurant is not

the name of the restaurant
that's just the name

of the song
that's why i called the song

alice's restaurant

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
you can get

anything you want
at alice's restaurant

walk right in
it's around the back

just a half a mile
from the railroad track

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
now it all started

two thanksgivings ago
was on two years ago

on thanksgiving when my
friend and i

went up to visit alice
at the restaurant but

alice doesn't live in the
restaurant she lives in

the church nearby the
restaurant in the bell-tower

with her husband ray and
fasha the dog and

livin' in the bell tower like
that they got a lot

of room downstairs where the
pews used to be and

havin' all that room
seein' as how

they took out all the pews
they decided that they

didn't have to take
out their garbage

for a long time
we got up there we

found all the garbage
in there and we

decided it'd be a
friendly gesture for us

to take the garbage down
to the city dump

so we took the half
a ton of garbage put

it in the back of
a red vw microbus

took shovels and rakes and
implements of destruction and

headed on toward
the city dump

well we got there and
there was a big sign

and a chain across the
dump saying closed

on thanksgiving
we had never heard of a dump

closed on thanksgiving
before and with

tears in our eyes we drove off
into the sunset looking for a

another place to
put the garbage

we didn't find one
'till we came to a side road

and off the side
of the side road

there was another fifteen
foot cliff and

at the bottom of the cliff there
was another pile

of garbage and
we decided that one big pile is

better than two little piles and
rather than bring that one up

we decided to throw ours down
that's what we did

drove back to the church had
a thanksgiving dinner

that couldn't be
beat went to sleep and didn't

get up until the next morning
when we got a phone

call from officer obie

he said kid
we found your name on

an envelope at the bottom
of ab' a half a

ton of garbage and
just wanted to know if you

had any information about it
and i said yes sir officer obie

cannot tell a lie
i put that envelope

under that garbage

after speaking to him for about
forty-five minutes on

the telephone
we finally arrived at the truth

of the matter and said
we had to go down and

pick up the garbage and
and also had to go down

and speak to him at the
police officer's station

so we got in the red
vw microbus with the

shovels and rakes
and implements of destruction

and headed on
toward the police

officer's station
now friends there was only

one or two things
that obie coulda done

at the police station
and the first was that

he coulda given us a
medal for being so brave

and honest on the telephone
which wasn't very likely

we didn't expect it
and the other thing was

that he coulda bawled us
out and told us never

to be see driving garbage
around the vicinity again

which is what we expected
but when we got to the

police officer's station
there was a third

possibility that we hadn't
even counted upon and

we was both
immediately arrested

handcuffed and i said obie
i don't think i can pick up

the garbage with
these handcuffs on

he said shut up kid
get in the back

of the patrol car
and that's what we did we

sat in the back of the
patrol car and drove

to the quote scene of
the crime unquote

i want tell you about
the town of

stockbridge massachusetts
where this happened here they

got three stop signs
two police officers and one

police car but when we got
to the scene of the crime

there was five police officers
and three police cars

being the biggest crime of
the last fifty years and

everybody wanted to get in
the newspaper story about it

and they was using
up all kinds of cop

equipment that they
had hangin' around

the police officer's station
they was taking

plaster tire tracks
foot prints dog smelling prints

they took twenty seven
eight-by-ten color glossy

photographs with circles
and arrows and a

paragraph on the back
of each one explaining

what each one was
to be used as

evidence against us
took pictures of the approach

the getaway
the northwest corner

the southwest corner
and that's

not to mention
the aerial photography

after the ordeal we went
back to the jail

obie said he was gonna
put us in the cell

said kid i'm gonna
put you in the cell

i want your wallet
and your belt

and i said obie
i can understand you

wanting my wallet so
i don't have

any money to spend
in the cell but

what do you want my belt for?
and he said kid

we don't want any hangings
i said obie did you think i

was gonna hang
myself for litterin'?

obie said he was
making sure and

friends obie was 'cos
he took out the toilet seat

so i couldn't hit myself
over the head and drown

and he took out
the toilet paper so

i couldn't bend the
bars roll out

the roll the toilet
paper out the window

slide down the roll
and have an escape

obie was making sure
and it was about

four or five hours later
that alice

remember alice?
it's a song about alice

alice came by and with a few
nasty words to obie on the side

bailed us out of jail and
we went back to the church

had another thanksgiving
dinner that couldn't be beat

and we didn't get up
until the next morning

when we all had to go to court

we walked in sat down
obie came in with the twenty

seven eight-by-ten color
glossy pictures with circles

and arrows and a paragraph
on the back of each one

sat down
man came in said all rise

we all stood up and
obie stood up with

the twenty seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures and the

judge walked in sat down
with a seeing eye dog

and he sat down, we sat down
obie looked at the

seeing eye dog
and then at the twenty seven

eight-by-ten color glossy
pictures with the circles

and arrows and a paragraph
on the back of each one

and looked at the
seeing eye dog

and then at the twenty
seven eight-by-ten

color glossy pictures with
the circles and arrows

and a paragraph on the back
of each one and began to cry

'cos obie came to
the realization that

it was a typical case of
american blind justice

and there wasn't
nothing he could do about it

and the judge wasn't
going to look at the twenty

seven eight-by-ten color
glossy pictures with the

circles and arrows and
a paragraph on the back

of each one explaining what
each one was to be used

as evidence against us
we was fined fifty

dollars and had to
pick up the garbage

in the snow but
that's not what i came

to tell you about

came to talk about the draft

they got a building
down in new york city

it's called whitehall street
where you walk in

you get injected
inspected detected infected

neglected and selected

i went down to get
my physical examination

one day and i walked in
i sat down got good and

drunk the night before
so i looked and felt my best

when i went in that morning
'cos i wanted to look like the

all-american kid from
new york city

man i wanted i wanted
to feel like the all

i wanted to be
the all american kid from

new york and i walked in sat
down i was hung down brung

down hung up and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly

things and i waked in and
sat down and they

gave me a piece
of paper said kid

see the psychiatrist room
six o four and i

i went up there
i said shrink

i want to kill

i mean i wanna i wanna kill
kill i wanna i wanna see

i wanna see blood
and gore and guts

and veins in my teeth
eat dead burnt bodies

i mean kill
kill kill kill

and i started jumpin' up
and down yelling kill kill

and he started jumpin' up
and down with me

and we was both jumpin' up
and down yelling kill kill

and the sargent came over
pinned a medal on me

sent me down the hall
said you're our boy

didn't feel too good about it
proceeded on down the hall

gettin' more injections
inspections detections

neglections and all
kinds of stuff that

they as doin' to me at the
thing there and i was there

for two hours
three hours four hours

i was there for
a long time going

through all kinds of
mean nasty ugly things

and i was
just having a tough time

there and they was
inspecting injecting every

single part of me and they
was leaving no part untouched

proceeded through when i
when i finally came to see the

very last man i walked in
walked in sat down after

a whole big thing there
and i walked up and

said what do you want?
he said kid we

only got one question
have you ever been arrested?

and i proceeded to tell him the
story of the alice's

restaurant massacre with
full orchestration and

five part harmony
and stuff like that and all

the phenome and
he stopped me right there

and said kid
did you ever go to court?

and i proceeded to tell him
the story of the twenty

seven eight-by-ten color
glossy pictures

with the circles and arrows
and the paragraph on the

back of each one
and he stopped me right

there and said kid
i want you to go and

sit down on that bench
that says group w

now kid

and i i walked over to the
to the bench there and there is

is group w's where
where they put you

if you may not be moral
enough to to join the army

after committin' your
special crime and

there was all kinds
of mean nasty ugly

looking people on
the bench there and there's

mother rapers
father stabbers

father rapers
father rapers sitting right

there on the bench
next to me and one

they was mean and nasty
and ugly and horrible

crime-type guys sitting there
on the bench

and the meanest
ugliest nastiest one

the meanest father raper
of them all

was coming over to me
and he was mean 'n'

ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible
and all kind of things

and he sat down next
to me and said kid

whad'ya get?
i said i didn't get nothing i

had to pay fifty dollars and
pick up the garbage

he said what were
you arrested for kid?

and i said litterin'
and they all moved away

from me on the bench
there and the hairy eyeball

and all kinds of mean
nasty things 'till i said and

creating a nuisance
and they all came back

shook my hand and we
had a great time

on the bench
talkin' about crime mother

stabbing father raping
all kinds of groovy things

that we was talking about
on the bench

and everything was fine
we was smokin' cigarettes

and all kinds of things until
the sargent came over

had some paper in his hand
held it up and said kids

this piece of paper's
got forty seven words

thirty-seven sentences
fifty-eight words we wanna

know details of the crime time
of the crime and any other

kind of thing you gotta say
pertaining to and about

the crime i want to know
arresting officer's name

and any other kind of thing
you gotta say and talked

for forty-five minutes
and nobody understood

a word that he said but
we had fun filling out the

forms and playing with the
pencils on the bench there

and i filled out the massacre
with the four part harmony and

wrote it down there just like it
was and everything was

fine and i
put down the pencil and i

turned over the piece
of paper and there

then on the other side

in the middle of the other side

away from everything else
on the other side

in parentheses

capital letters

quotated

read the following words

kid
have you

rehabilitated yourself?
i went over to the sargent

said sargent you got a
lot a damn gall to ask me

if i've rehabilitated
myself i mean

i mean, i mean that just
i'm sittin' here on the bench

i mean i'm sittin' here
on the group w bench

'cos you want to know if
i'm moral enough to join the

army burn women kids
houses and villages

after bein' a litterbug mmm?

he looked at me and said kid
we don't like your kind

and we're gonna
send you fingerprints

off to washington and friends
somewhere in washington

enshrined in
some little folder is a

study in black and white
of my fingerprints

and the only reason i'm
singing you this song now

is 'cos you may know
somebody in a similar situation

or you may be in a similar
situation and if your in a

situation like that
there's only one thing

you can do and that's
walk into the shrink

wherever you are
just walk in say shrink

you can get anything you want
at alice's restaurant
and walk out

you know if one person just
one person does it they

may think he's really sick
and they won't take him

and if two people
two people do it

in harmony
they may think they're

both faggots and
they won't take either of them

and if three people do it

three can you imagine three
people walking in singin'

a bar of alice's restaurant
and walking out they may think

it's an organization
and can you can you

imagine fifty people a day
i said fifty people a day

walking in singin'
a bar of alice's restaurant

and walking out
and friends they may

think it's a movement
and that's what it is

the alice's restaurant
anti-massacree movement

and all you got to do to join
is to sing it the next time

it come's around on the guitar
with feeling

so we'll wait for it to
come around on the guitar here

and sing it when it does

here it comes

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
you can get

anything you want
at alice's restaurant

walk right in
it's around the back

just a half a mile
from the railroad track

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
that was horrible

if you want to end war and
stuff you got to sing loud

you can put it loud
i've been singing this song now

for twenty five minutes and
i could sing it for

another twenty five minutes
i'm not proud

or tired
so we'll wait 'till it

comes around again and
this time with four

part harmony and feeling

we're just waitin' for it
to come around
that's what we're doing

all right now

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
excepting alice

you can get
anything you want

at alice's restaurant
i said walk right in

it's around the back
just a half a mile

from the railroad track
you can get

anything you want
at alice's restaurant

da-da da-da da-da da-dum
at alice's restaurant

Details

• Duration : 18:11
• Key : D
• Genre : Rock
• Year released : 1967
• Language : English

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